Monday, January 19, 2015

5 Beauty Products I Wouldn't Wish On My Worst Enemy

I love makeup.  Truly.  For years and years my heart has skipped a beat when I see a gloriously lit counter holding those pretty little tubes and bottles, compacts and powders.  Drugstore walls draw me like magnets to their rows upon rows of lip gloss and mascara.  I can spend hours lost in an Ulta or Sephora.

Occasionally those lovely little parcels of promised beauty don't deliver.  Every so often one of those treats of glamour makes it all the way to my house and I open it, hoping to be struck with awe and wonder but I get nothing but disappointment and buyer's remorse.  Here are five truly crummy products that I felt had great potential only to leave me shaking my head at how I could've been duped by their glossy allure.

5. Maybelline Color Tattoo Matte Eye Shadows - I know these are very popular, but I hate them.  The shimmering shades are fine, but the matte variety slips and slides and clumps and dries and flakes and goes anywhere you find undesirable.  I've tried them with brushes, sponge tip applicators and my fingers.  I've tried them with primers and without, with setting powder or even a lock it fixing spray and nothing makes them the least bit good.  After being open for less than a week two different matte shades in my collection had cracks in them and were completely useless.  They were a huge waste of time and money and I stupidly kept buying them thinking it was a fluke.  Five bouts of stupidity later and I've learned my lesson.

4. Physicians Formula Kohl Kajal Eye Liner  - When a product only receives two out of five stars on the company's website and every review has the same complaint you think they'd take notice.  This eyeliner breaks at the base the first time you use it if you put even the tiniest bit of pressure on it.  (Say for example the pressure of touching it to your eyelid).  I bought a set of three and emailed the company after all three broke.  The response I received was "they work well when applied with a brush if you are having difficulty".  I suppose that's true, but if a brush is necessary why not just package it in a pot rather than in a crayon?  Also, it can't be sharpened or pressed to a point without making and enormous mess.  I smashed mine into an empty compact and even that was a mess.  It's odd because this company's lash growth liquid liner is my favorite eyeliner of all time so I wish they would improve their design.

3. L'Oreal BB Cream - I have never received a free product that I completely hated before O Magazine sent me this to try.  There are many reasons why it didn't work for me.  The color was far too dark even though I had received the lightest shade they made and it laid on top of my skin rather than blending nicely.  Most of all it had an overwhelming chemical fragrance from the sunscreen it contained which lingered for hours.  I tried to use it long enough to complete the testing but I had breakouts and dry patches after wearing it for just a few hours.  I tried thinning it out with L'Oreal's Youth Code Day/Night Cream (which I am a huge fan of) but I couldn't salvage it or get used to the scent no matter how hard I tried.

2. Klean Color Lipsticks - In an effort to find a fun and playful lip color at a great price I ordered a dozen of these lipsticks in a rainbow of shades including blues, purples, greens and golds.  I had hoped that they could shift existing lipstick shades I already owned and that I could make some bold, fun looks for Halloween or just to play around.  At 89 cents I thought they wouldn't be too big a gamble.  Yikes.  These lipsticks are the greasiest, stinkiest, most repulsive things ever.  Wearing them led to instantly chapped, sore, dry lips and I can only describe their scent as a tutti-frutti chemical nightmare.

1. Wet n' Wild Eye Makeup Remover - if they took the word "makeup" out of the product name it would be more truthful.  Ouch!  I implore you, don't ever get the liquid from this little purple bottle anywhere near your eyes.  For hours after using this product my eyelids stung like they had been sunburned and covered with jalapeno slices.  Not only did it not remove my waterproof mascara, it made me cry and the salt from my tears put me into an even greater agony.  It wasn't an allergy either - I know of other people who have had the exact same reaction to this product.  I would rather wash with soap and get soap directly in my eye than suffer through this product again.

What is the worst beauty product you've ever tried?  What can you spare me from?  Have you tried any of the ones above?  Can you feel my pain?

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